Back to School in a Virtual World

Don’t assume children feel the same way we do. After sharing the above, ask them if they have questions. If they do, answer as best as you can and remember that it’s okay to say “I don’t know.” If they don’t have questions, that’s okay too, don’t ask if they’re wondering about anything specifically. Allow them to end the conversation there and to bring it back up if and when they’re ready to talk about it. They may come back to you with questions later, after they’ve processed at their own pace. If this is the case, and you’re not available at that time, let them know that you can talk with them later by giving a specific timeframe, like after dinner for example.  

If your child is having big reactions in the moment, help them regulate first. When children are emotionally dysregulated, it becomes very difficult to reason and problem solve. Adam Ortman, Mindfulness Director, shares great ideas with us here. Mindfulness practices can offer effective and empowering ways to self-

regulate, settle, and bring kindness into any experience. Mindfulness can be especially helpful when it becomes a routine at certain times of day--perhaps before a meal, or at the beginning or end of a project, or at bedtime. Because these practices are for a child’s own self-regulation, they work best when they are offered invitationally, rather than coercively.

During this time, it’s important to check in with children. Although they may not understand everything that is going on, they know things are different. When asking how they are doing, keep it general, without inferring or stating a feeling for them. For example, instead of saying “are you nervous/scared about going back to school” ask “how do you feel about going back to school?” Maybe you want to ask more specifically about Home Learning, try “what do you think about going back to school online” while being mindful of your tone and what your nonverbals may be communicating. 

Tailor the conversation to the child’s needs. Children let us know how much information they can take in at once. When answering their questions, keep your responses simple and short. Do not try to provide more information than may be necessary. They’ll let you know if the simple, short answer wasn’t sufficient by asking more questions.

Things will get hard. It’s part of the learning process and it’s part of navigating school online while at home. But, together, we can prepare for this too. 

When something is hard and a child is frustrated, the first step is always to help them regulate. Practice and try some of Mr. Ortman’s suggestions, linked again here, as a family when everyone is regulated. Identify the skills and techniques that work best for your child or that are their favorites. In moments of frustration, remind them and guide them through their favorite calm down exercises. 

The next step is to relate by practicing reflective listening. For example, say “I can tell you were very upset” or “I noticed that was really hard.” This allows for understanding but also allows children the opportunity to practice naming how they are feeling. 

Only after regulating and relating can we move on to reasoning and problem solving. Work together to think of possible solutions. Maybe they’re really frustrated because they don’t like being on Zoom? A possible solution could be to turn their video off. Maybe they were frustrated because the new math concept is hard and confusing? A possible solution could be to ask the teacher for help and together, with your child, you can create a list of questions to bring up at the next small group check in with their teacher. This is a great way to build and practice problem solving and self-advocacy skills.  

Communicate! We are a team and we are here for you. If you find yourself in a similar situation to any of those described above, please communicate with your child’s teacher and the support and health and wellness teams. On campus, we are physically present to witness these frustrations and to observe children. During Home Learning, this is difficult. We are all working together but cannot help if we do not know that help is needed. Please reach out.